A Poor Man's Keanu Reeves

Did you wonder what The Day The Earth Stood Still was like? Too busy to go see it? Well not me:
Keanu Reeves, aka Deadeyes, is an alien who lands on Earth in a space orb to kill the Earth people and save the Earth from their destructive nature. Jennifer Connelly is then called in to work on a team of about 5 not particularly clever scientists and an older fatter woman. Somebody says that the effects of an asteroid hitting Earth at high speed would be "astronomical" and no one is really sure why. Keanu is wearing placenta at this point. Then he grows. Grows! Then he does some funky bad guy shit, and lots of people get bugs inside them causing fatal nose bleeds. Then Jennifer Connelly persuades him, by demonstrating her interracial mommy love for the son of her dead husband, that people are alright. And then he sticks his hand in his space orb and everything stops and all the space orbs fly away. The End.
I think the moral of the story is that once we start really fucking up the Earth, we'll know it's time to get the act together cos aliens will come and tell us we are scum, but that's cos aliens are robots.
An anonymous French person with whom I have recently been in contact has this funny habit of pronouncing 'rude' in two syllables: 'reeude'. I love it. I also love the way 'Health & Safety' in a French accent becomes 'Elfin safety'. See but aliens wouldn't understand that, cos they're all Keanu Reeves on the inside.